Tired Mum?! Yep…that’s me. I’m soo tired that when I took the twins for their MMR this week (which BTW i was shit scared about after reading up on it ….) the Dr asked ME, if I was ok. Cheeky MF (I put make-up on too the git).
Anyhow…. I have heard back from some of you lovely gals, who promise (unless you’re all bloody lying in which case stop emailing me with fake hope), that shit will get easier. The kids apparently do grow up, I apparently chill out a bit, and apparently the Captain’s penis grows bigger as a prize (ok…that was a joke…its already HUGE. In fact, any bigger and he’ll be in the Guinness Book of Records).
So… seriously. I’m having a week on, then a shit week off … of general tiredness. Yes, I’m a lucky cow for having help bla bla bla. I don’t care what you think. I’m not some privileged asshole. If I was here or in Katmandu… I would be BEGGING someone to help me with twins. It’s not a joke, despite IVF and all sorts of fertility treatment for nearly two whole years (you name it, I did every sodding, undignified thing I had to do). I love these kids but I don’t feel guilty for asking someone to wake at 6.30am to feed my monkeys while I have an extra 2 hours in bed. Why? (a) I’d be a real miserable bitch of a Mum if I didn’t, (b) She gets paid more than I do (although apparently I live in lala land where my bank account has an endless supply of cash…according to the hubby) & (c) I have terrible insomnia. I always have, which means at 4am, when I’m EXHAUSTED & WANT to sleep… nothing happens … I’m awake. I’m organising, polishing silver (quite relaxing actually) and generally wandering around our shoe box apartment, dyyyying to sleep.
I have what’s generally known as “Para-insomnia”…. basically, I also get to experience (as does my poor Captain) weird dreams that are sooo real, I’m literally wandering around the room, chasing a nightmare. I almost opened our balcony door (fast asleep, not because I’m suicidal…. it was before the kids were born, clearly!) thinking it was the bathroom. My parents had to put extra bolts on our front door when I was about 11 years old as I would sleep walk everywhere (you don’t even want to know what happened at boarding school…. which I was pulled out of after one month because we were in the middle of a mountain and I was clearly a threat to, well, myself!).
Crazy? Me? Nope…. its “Para Insomnia”… or in my mind… another fucking thing to deal with on top of everything else. The night before my best friends wedding, I woke up one of her bridesmaids (also one of my very old school friends who loves me/& I her, so no one who would get weirded out…. trying to wind her as in my dream, she was my son and I couldnt understand how he was wearing purple PJ’s. This is the 4th time I have woken someone (yes, of course its almost always The Captain… or my Mum, once). It seems to have got worse when I’m tired, or stressed. I actually feel quite happy though, so I’m not quite sure where its all flowing out from!?
Sooooo…. all you Mummys out there having a tired week, feeling down, maybe a little alone…. or just… welll… fed up as its the SAME thing, day in, day out (kinda like “Groundhog day” as one good friend described it) It’s fine. Just relax. It does get better and easier…. and the minute it does….. I’m packing these cheeky sods off to boarding school.