Tag Archive | Play-groups

Is blogging ruining your life?

So girls…. here’s the scoop.

It turns out The Captain aint all that happy I’m blogging away about stuff he considers personal, despite him sharing 90% of our lives with all n sundry, every bloody day (whether in the UK or Hong Kong).

I recall a complete stranger in Hong Kong asking me, when I first arrived “how are you getting on, as I’ve heard you’ve found it VERY hard to settle in?”  ie. You’re a piss head, pull your crap together.   FUCK OFF?!   So did you luv, and if you say you didn’t (which it turns out she didn’t/still doesn’t), then you’re lying through your bleached, capped teeth.  On a separate note,  I’m trying to find a good Dentist so please keep those emails coming gals…. I’m still finding out how to scratch my arse, while cooking dinner, giving the old Captain a spanking from time to time (conservative stylie, but minus any oranges or plastic bags over the head) doing mind boring play-groups with the Twins including a cult-like Music class, Yoga, cooking classes, drinking, calling home still crying, prostituting myself at the airport for free flights, and STILL meeting new people.

How have some of you found all of this blogging business?  Aside from writing late at night when the whole house is asleep, or when the Twins sleep in the afternoon…. this has not become some all-encompassing/narcissistic bull-shit thing I’m doing.  I GENUINELY enjoy writing.  As my best friend recently told me, “this is what you should have always done”.  If I had been a lesbian, I would have married that girl right away …. whether she was or wasn’t looking for the lesbo lovin’ I had on offer!

Rich or poor, I would have loved this profession over any other and this is truly what has saved me from deep homesickness in Hong Kong.  I can express my thoughts, without people knowing who I am.  Until recently, when things went tits up and my cover (& therefore, in my mind, my whole life…) went up in flames.  The Captain also appears a little envious of the amount of time I spend away from him (even though he’s usually ASLEEP), to do what I love (not watching porn..writing).

I have been reading some fab blogs out there by strong, fucking busy, Mums and I’m thinking “If they can bloody do it, with their husbands full support…. then so can I!?”

ps.  I’m in a Bar in Bali and have borrowed the Hotels laptop. I feel like some sort of Crack user, hiding away, typing (& drinking, of course) while the hubby showers and the kids are asleep.  But…. its great to feel some real fire in my bones!!   I also always love a good fight when it comes to what I believe in…. although…. if I don’t give a shit, I’m pretty useless & not someone you want on your team.  I’m great at pretend violence though ie. Screaming, throwing and aiming at things I can’t hurt.

pps. Do you remain anonymous when blogging about things like this??

Domestic Helper … at it again!!!

So… while I was meant to be resting my eyeballs last night at approx 1am and the whole apartment was asleep …. I was sat up, writing away on Doris (AKA my Laptop) and looking through Asiaexpat for anything new or funny.  Ok… that’s not entirely true…. I was searching to see if our ex-Helper (very evil & a HUGE liar) was on there.  I then pop onto GeoExpat and, booooom!  There she is…. LYING HER ARSE OFF!!!!

In her advert, she is claiming to be a University Graduate, and has worked for a family with 9-year-old Twins.  Our kids were approx 8 months old and she was gone before they turned One.  SOOOOO…. her advert states she is still working for us?!?! I MEAN ….HUH!?  And the reason she’s being let go is because we are moving “back to Europe”  but we would apparently be happy to give her a reference.  Now… yes, I’ve had baby brain quite a lot since I fell pregnant (and yes, I sometimes forget the kids names/where I live…)   BUT, this is bullshit.  I mean, who the hell is going to be the reference?!?   She has clearly found someone to give a fake one but everyone MUST check all references, always.  I keep going on about this but if any Helper was good to a family, you would of course be happy and more than willing to take a call from their new Employer.

I sat there …. stunned… staring at my laptop (“Doris”) thinking… who the hell is this cheeky bitch who made our entire life (from the moment I arrived with Itchy & Scratchy), really uncomfortable until we finally got rid of her.  I told the Captain on what became a daily basis (& I’m sure just made me look like an ungrateful moany ex-pat wife but by then… I didn’t give a crap) … “This bird is doing my fkin head in!! She’s rude, she sleeps during the day (seriously for 3 hours one afternoon while I was organising my cupboards), she went out clubbing some nights until 4am etc”.  

AND when the Captain was away “on business”, or so he says… although if I was him, I’d be booking myself into a luxury Spa Hotel & pretending it was for “work”, our “Helper” went out every night (I’m obviously a very hard/scary/mean boss) and would get in absolutely wankered on alcohol at 5am.   She started work at 6am (or was meant to but this eventually got later & later), although even then, you would have to bang on her door if she wasn’t up by 7.30am.    So to my amazement, there she is, with her annoying face staring back at me in this advert on Geoexpat…. lying to everyone.

This is the same Helper who, I just discovered, was also telling random people at a play-group I used to take Itchy & Scratchy to, ALLLL about our family (nothing juicy obviously but shit no one really cares about).   Our new Helper came home last week and said someone had interrogated her at a bus stop in Central Hong Kong and knew right away who we were once she realised we had Twins?!!?   I’m like, WHAT!?!?  WHAT HAS THIS SILLY COW BEEN SAYING!!??  I would love to name and shame her for the protection of other families but I can’t.  She on the other hand, is out there telling people we let her go because we are leaving Hong Kong. NOT because she was soo unbelievably rude, had her mates over during the day mid-week, “borrowed” things without asking, g-d the list if fucking endless.   

Anyhow…. last night I sat there dumbfounded, in the silence of our apartment ….  well aside from the constant banging coming from the Twins nursery.  Now, I swear the Twins do it to wind me up & scare me shitless, as the minute I run in there … with my Torch strapped to my head, yes like a fucking Miner… there’s nothing happening.  Both kids are faaaaast asleep, although they somehow manage to move across their Cot beds with excellent skill and are usually very close to the Head Board (hence, the loud banging which must be their little heads).   I had started padding the ends of the cots as my Daughter in particular, seems to be a little bit, erm, Rambo’esque (not Gay, just Tomboyish, although I wouldn’t give a crap either way).  However, its dangerous and she tends to sleep in the weirdest positions a toddler can ie. Face down, or nuzzled into her Comforter Cuuski … literally terrifying me if I find it over her face.  My son, although called “The Window Licker” seems a little bit brighter when asleep.  He knows to move his face if it’s slightly smothered.  In hindsight, this is probably why I don’t sleep much …. 

Anyhowsle … I see this bull-shit advert from our Ex-Helper, claiming she still works for us, and I think…. “how am I going to catch her out??”   

Hmmmmm….. So, this morning,  The Captain giggled his arse off when I told him my cunning/Genius plan…. I can’t divulge it just yet as I need to check legalities.  He then looked at me with what appeared to be love/confusion/endearment and said…. “You’re a little twisted babe … but fucking funny”.  He may get a blow job for that one later as I took that as a bit of a compliment.

Watch this space people and in the meantime, PLEASE CALL ALL REFERENCES GOING BACK AT LEAST 5 YEARS AND WITH AT LEAST 2 OR 3 REFEREES.  Just because people have left the Country does NOT mean they no longer own mobile phones!?   You are relying and trusting these people you hire with your entire life (your kids/home/money/crap).  

Make sure you get the right one so you can sleep soundly at night.