Children, Twins, Triplets etc …. do you have a favourite? Ok, ok …. I SAID IT. Do Parents have favourites? Are we even allowed to say that OUT LOUD?! Now… before you all start saying “Oh no, never”, I have to ask as recently, I’ve been struggling to understand how you can’t have a favourite, from time to time anyhow.
In my own life, before I had children, I noted in almost every family, that one child was always preferred over the other. Ok, not always openly…. but you could definitely see it. To be fair, it didn’t really seem to bother the boys as much as the girls. The Captain for example is the favourite in his family. He claims he’s not, but he sooo is (plus his Grandma recently told me). I on the other hand, was never the favourite. For starters, I was causing havoc in my parents house, getting expelled from school, raiding their Drinks cabinet, smoking spliff out the bedroom window, having boyfriends climbing up drain pipes and sleeping in my cupboard until my Mum found him the next day reeking of Cider (true). All of this before I was 15 years old…. it’s no wonder they wanted to kill me. As a baby though…. i was apparently an independent angel. But, still not the favourite.
I’m now torn from time to time with my own kids. Despite all resolutions to never have favourites, things aren’t panning out that way. Now, according to some books on Twins (and I read a shit load before Itchy & Scratchy turned up), Parents get confused as to how they react and feel towards their kids. Some days they have a favourite child, and on other days, well, lets just say you want to run away and hide under a tree (or in a Bar, which is clearly my personal preference).
Anyhow, my question is this …. Do you have a favourite? If so, do you feel as guilty as I do when those moments occur? Now, before you all start going mad at me, the truth is this…. my favourite child is the one who behaves themselves on THAT particular day. I don’t love the other child any less but if they are misbehaving, well, you know… you’re only human.
Take my Son for example. He loves to SCREAM (& I mean SCREAM!!!!) and, in fact, screamed the whole way to Bali (4.5 hour flight from Hong Kong), that even his own Grandparents wanted to throw him off the plane. This child knows when he has an audience and therefore, kicks off with this whole screaming business just as everyone around us is starting to relax/enjoy a book/snooze on the plane. What did I do to keep myself calm and not lose it? I put ear plugs in, plastered a smile on my face at all the passengers who looked like they wanted to kill me for having given birth to Satan, and ordered myself a glass of white wine. The bloody Air Stewards wouldn’t give me another glass after I downed the first one like it was a shot of tequila…. so I stole The Captains while he hid in the loo…. for most of the flight. Apparently he had a dodgy tummy but I know a liar when I see one. Hell, I would have hidden in there with him if someone would have taken my son off my hands.
Yes, kids cry and yes, they also get jealous of their siblings. My son keeps trying to poke his sisters eyes out and she has now started biting anything and everything, including The Captains legs (which made me laugh so much the other day, I actually peed on the floor). But, by having a favourite every so often, doesn’t negate how much I love them both, equally. I just have less tolerance for the annoying one from time to time. Yes, I just said that out loud. But, all mothers experience this surely?!?
Please don’t turn up with burning torches outside my apartment until you have experienced Twins screaming, biting and blatantly trying to kill their mother through lack of sleep.
I also know all about the issues that arise when favouritism occurs in a household. Having come from a family where I have (a) Middle child syndrome, (b) Am the only girl, which is a minus in my books and never led to “Little Princess syndrome” – a damn shame as everyone else in the house got bought a car on their 18th birthday, save for me.
In fact, I was sooo NOT the favourite, that my parents took their first photos of me when I was about 6 months old, and even then, they only took TWO photos until I turned ONE. My Mum claims its because I was bald and didn’t look great in photos. I’m like“errr…. I was a BABY?!” She also claims not to have had a camera. What a crap reason is that?! No camera?! I wasn’t born during the 1920’s for fucks sake!! Plus, to add insult to injury, my older brother had hundreds of photos of him from the minute he was born, including video footage actually exiting the womb and hes 5 years older than me. Speaking of which, my not-so-Saintly older brother, who had a whole shrine dedicated to his birth, first hair curl, first tooth, endless photos of him on the potty … bla bla bla, tried to convince me (even to this day) that I was, in fact, adopted. I would believe this ordinarily, considering I am soooo different to my family in almost every way, but I look exactly like both my parents (minus my Dad’s beard). I have to admit, that there were many a moment as I child, when I dreamt (and prayed) for my real parents to show up and whisk me away to their mansion in Miami (where I was the only child, accidentally switched at birth by some gross accident made by the Hospital).
Now…. during arguments with my Mother, never my Father who (a) never had any favourites and (b) resembles a squidgy, kind Teddy bear so you can’t really argue with him in any event, I will throw the whole “You always favoured that ungrateful git (my older brother) over me!!!” Mum would respond, “Dont be stupid…. I hate you all the same” (I’m one of four). Bloody lovely (and clearly mindful of all our feelings). Now my Mum says she doesnt and never did have favourites, but you know what, my brothers have all screwed up soo much lately, my Dad (bless him), keeps banging on about how“great” I am. Its pissing my brothers off soo much and FINALLY, I am the favourite.
It only took moving to another country to make them see that.
Nancy Kissel’s Appeal Rejected in Court
For those of you who didn’t know anything about this case (as I hadn’t until I arrived in Hong Kong), this whole story is gripping. As an ex-litigation lawyer, maybe I’m a little too fascinated but nothing in this case makes sense. How did this woman, Nancy Kissel, go ahead and just kill her husband like that….. AND then sleep in the same bedroom as him for a few days until getting some workmen to help her move his dead body. BLOODY HELL!!!??
I’ve read some comments on Asiaexpat and some things seem to be said by people who actually knew the couple, and others from scared ex-pats (like myself!) who think….. what could have gone sooo wrong when this (what appeared to be) nice, normal family moved to Hong Kong. I kept giving the Captain updates while I read this book (in just under half a day as it as soo gripping.). If there were any similarities between us as people or women, it shit me up.
For a start, not all ex-pat wives are complete materialistic arseholes who come here to spend loads of their husbands hard-earned cash. Some of us are just getting on with a new life, and with young babies (my case), its fucking hard. Yes there are days I want to kill my husband…. but not literally, and its usually over the complete mess he makes in our flat from the minute he walks in (seriously…. he’s so messy it like he strips off as he walks in.. shoes… socks…. belt…tie….wallet…. its like following a trail of breadcrumbs if you ever want to find him).
Anyhow….back to the murder…. To be fair, aside from her initial difficulty settling into Hong Kong life, where, and I quote from the book “Never Enough” that “men flourish.. and women can flounder” here … the rest of her personality seems a little, well, unhinged!? She claims she had put up with years of sexual and physical abuse which made her finally snap. This is a woman who people said was quite pushy when she wanted her own way, at times very rude, loudmouthed and often fucking outspoken (again, I’m not saying this personally … although I agree having read up on it, but this is all out there on the internet).
Had she have called the police the minute she killed him, she may have had a slightly different sentence as it would have been totally unplanned. BUT, she didn’t. She hid him (in a rug in her bedroom) and went shopping for new furniture to cover up all the blood from bashing his skull in. It was all pre-meditated right from the start … I mean… drugging his drinks months before, and then the fatal “Milkshake” that she asked her daughter to hand over to her Dad. What must be going through that child’s head now? Apparently she did all of this to be with her lover back in Vermont, who by the way, is now married to someone else and has asked the Prison Nancy Kissel is staying in to stop her sending him letters (shes didn’t write to her kids apparently for months but, this bloke who doesn’t give a crap about her…. well he got a shit loada letters he doesn’t even want).
What a nasty piece of work. Why not just get a fucking divorce and at least she wouldn’t be in jail for life, her ex-husband would have met someone who genuinely cared about him, and maybe her kids would actually be talking to her. Apparently her family and “supporters” are worried about her massive weight loss. They don’t think she will survive life in jail. Well….. err… call me old-fashioned but WHY THE FUCK DO THE CRIME?! What did she think the police were going to say when they found out?! “Oh it’s alright. She’s a Gweilo (* AKA “foreign ghost”, or in my opinion, a fairly derogatory term for someone not chinese) so let her go..!”
Now I’m not one to be judgemental about people (throwing stones in glass houses & all that crap) but, taking anyones life, is wrong on every single level. It’s as simple as that.