Level of cooking:-
- Piss easy unless you’re just being lazy, in which case, you’re on your own. I have no sympathy for those people who say they “don’t cook”. It gets under my skin as I just don’t get how anyone can’t feed themselves!?
- 4-6 large onions
- 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
- 3 heaped tablespoons turmeric
- 2 heaped tablespoons fenugreek (or if you don’t have this, Honey Dijon mustard works, or brown sugar)
- 2 teaspoons dried mint
- 2 litres vegetable or chicken stock (home-made or shop bought for ease)
- 2 cinnamon sticks
- 1 lemon
- sea salt & pepper
- Peel & thinly chop the onions.
- Put onions in a large saucepan with the olive oil & season with salt & pepper. Cover the pan & cook for approx. 15-20 minutes. Only stir occasionally.
- Add the turmeric, fenugreek & mint & cook for another 5 minutes without the lid (the lid just makes everything sweat).
- Add the stock & cinnamon stick, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low, cooking for approx. 20-30 minutes.
- Add the lemon juice & mint & season again with salt & pepper. If it needs more fenugreek, add a further teaspoon to make it sweeter (if that’s your taste). I leave the cinnamon stick in.
Ok…so… Dinner a few nights ago was OFF THE CHART.
If you want to try something, which in my opinion was piss easy…. try this dish called …erm…
“SPECIAL CHICKEN IN ROSEWATER WITH CRUSHED HAZELNUTS & HONEY” :-
- Buy approx. 4 packs of good fat chicken legs (2 per person) and big juicy thighs (if they are very big, 1 thigh is enough per person … unless you’ve got some real fatties at your table, then pile it high!). I bought enough to feed 8 people well so use your initiative.
- Wash the chicken pieces thoroughly & preheat the oven to 190 degrees. Cover the chicken with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil & season well . Cook in the oven at 190 degrees for approx. 25-30 mins. Then take the chicken out of the oven and baste/brush with a pre-mixed paste Rosewater (3x tbsp), loosley chopped, slightly toasted hazelnuts (approx. 300 grams) and honey (5x tbsp).
- Put back in the oven for another 20-30 mins at 180 degrees until the chicken is cooked.
- Check the chicken is cooked by pricking the leg of one of the pieces with a fork to see if the juices run clear. If they do, take the chicken pieces out of the oven, cover with some foil loosely and prepare the side dishes to accompany this meal. * n.b. Its quicker to have the side dishes prepared while the chicken is cooking in the oven.
SIDE DISH – Couscous with garlic, lemon & parsley
- Use 2x 250 gram packs of couscous & cook according to the pack instructions. The key to keeping couscous light is to keep fluffing it with a fork after minimal cooking time.
- I then fry 3 cloves of garlic with a knob of butter & add the juice of 1x lemon. Fry for a couple of minutes on a medium heat & then mix into the now cooling couscous.
- I then add approx. 300 grams of raisins/sultanas (pre-soaked in water for about 20 minutes to make them plump). Then drain the raisins before pouring into the couscous mix.
- Mix all the ingredients in the couscous and season well with some salt & pepper. Add 2x teaspoons of fresh or dry Parsley.
- Dish up right away!
OTHER SIDE DISHES TO ACCOMPANY THIS INCLUDE:
- Sweet potatoes (not peeled) chopped into small discs, layered (like you would with potato gratin) cooked in the oven with a tbsp of extra virgin olive oil, seasoned well with salt & pepper & covered in approx. 500 grams of double cream. Cook for 40-50 minutes.
- A crisp salad made of rocket leaves, tomatoes (chopped into small cubes), cucumbers (peeled & chopped into small cubes), cubes of feta cheese (enough for a salad but not too much that it overwhelms you), bulgur wheat (read pack instructions to cook properly) & 1/2 a red onion (finely chopped). Put a dressing on the side of olive oil (3 tbsp), with Balsamic vinegar (3 tbsp), red wine vinegar (3 tbsp), pinch of table salt/pepper, pinch of dried parsley, Dijon mustard (1.5 tbsp). Be sure to give the salad dressing a good shake every time before you pour onto your salad…otherwise it will come out as more olive oil & less vinegar…ugh!
You can also baste uncooked fresh chicken with the Rosewater/ chopped hazelnuts & honey paste & put in the freezer to cook at a later date.
** I will add photos next time I make this as I forgot (hazards of getting drunk while cooking).
This is by far THE easiest biscuit cake ever! You don’t need to bake anything and as long as you have all your ingredients ready to go, it will take approximately 15 minutes to make for even the dumbest/drunkest chef. I have had sooo many requests to make this (The Captains office asks for this weekly the cheeky gits), that it rarely lasts more than a few days. This recipe is enough for approx 25 small pieces and is divine to serve up with coffee after a dinner party. This cake keeps fresh in the fridge for about a week & its bloody moorish…. I’m eating some right now while sipping my cuppa Earl Grey (yes, Tea because I can’t have a friggin glass of vino due to being 6 months pregnant, plus it makes me retch after a few glasses …)
- 200mls golden syrup
- 100g cocoa powder
- 800g Digestive biscuits, broken into small/medium chunks
- 350g raisins
- a wide, deep baking tray or the rubber baking trays I swear by. These are approx 25cm wide/long & 5cm deep. If using the rubber baking trays, I never use greeseproof paper as the beauty of those is that nothing sticks to them. If using a proper baking tin, then you need to line your tin with greeseproof paper (tedious & annoying….just buy the rubber/silicone bendy ones….they’re brill and easy to clean).
HOW TO MAKE:-
- Put the syrup, butter & cocoa powder (I sieve the cocoa through like I would flour to avoid any lumps) in a large saucepan over medium heat & heat everything until melter and smooth. Don’t over stir this either but do keep an eye on it as it can burn very quickly if you’re wandering about fixing yourself a cocktail and doing your make-up. Once everything is melted, take off the heat immediately. Put to one side.
- Put the biscuit chunks & raisins into a huge bowl and pour in the cooled down chocolate mixture you have just melted in the saucepan. Mix everything with a wooden spoon and make sure its all properly mixed and the raisins have spread out properly.
- Press this mixture into your prepared baking tray or silicone tray and cover with some cling film. Then using either a plate or your hands (I use both my hands) press down firmly onto the mixture to compress it all and make sure it sticks together properly without too many gaps.
- Leave to cool for another 10 minutes and then put it in the fridge for at least 3 hours or better yet, overnight.
EASY STRAWBERRY CREAM CAKE
* I used a rubber 25cm greased & lined baking mould but a tin obviously works just as well.
For the cake:-
- 275g self-raising flour
- 275g caster sugar
- 275g unsalted butter – melted or kept at room temperature so that its incredibly soft/slightly melted
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 3 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 5 eggs
- 2 tablespoons of full fat milk
- 500g whipping cream (you can use soft cream cheese instead of whipping cream & make a buttercream topping instead)
- 2 tablespoons of vanilla sugar
- 2 punnets of fresh strawberries (or mix with blueberries & raspberries to make it even more colourful), washed & cut into quarters (or whatever size you like)
- half a bar of good dark chocolate for shaving onto strawberries
HOW TO MAKE:-
There are 2 ways to make a sponge cake. The quickest (& least time consuming) is the way I am going to describe for this recipe. The other way involves creaming the butter & sugar first, then adding the flour & eggs and beating as much air into the batter as you can (so the cake rises more & is fluffier).
- Mix all the Cake ingredients together with a handheld mixer or food processor.
- Put in a preheated oven at gas mark 180 for approximately 25 minutes & then check with a toothpick if its cooked through. If the toothpick doesn’t come out clear, put the cake back in the oven and cook for another 8-10 minutes (but keep checking to make sure it doesn’t burn. I placed a sheet of tin foil over the cake after 25 minutes so that the top doesn’t burn while the inside cooks.
- Once the cake has baked, take out the oven, leave to cool for approx. 5-10 minutes & then turn out onto a cooling rack.
- While the cake is cooling down, make your topping. Begin by mixing the whipped cream & vanilla sugar together and then using your handheld mixer (or processor) whipping the cream until it makes soft peaks. You want the cream to be thick and strong enough to cover a cake.
- Once the cake has cooled down, cover it with the whipped cream, then decorate with chopped strawberries & grate the chocolate all over the cake. Nb. If the cake is not cool enough, keep the freshly whipped cream in the refrigerator as you don’t want watery whipped cream on your lovely sponge cake to make it soggy.
Ok…so… I tried this amazing take on cheese on toast.
It’s easy, so even those of you who pretend you can’t cook….well…. this is just…yum. Hangover or not, this is lovely.
If you’re a single girl/guy, and wake to offer your booty call some breakfast before your easy lay leaves… well this piss easy breakfast of posh cheese on toast will seal the deal (for another shag), should you so wish…although, lets face it… when the beer goggles are off…. you can’t BELIEVE what you took home the night before. Sometimes, even a name is a little fuzzy – oh yes, the shame. Like I give a shit.
Anyhow… YOU MUST TRY THIS…at LEAST once. Impress guests when they stay over (add some sausages, tomatoes, bacon, a few eggs, beans…bloody fab).
BEST CHEESE ON TOAST IN THE WHOLE WORLD (CALORIFIC but worth it!) – INGREDIENTS & HOW TO COOK IT
White bread (as many as you want to eat). Cheap or expensive…it doesn’t really matter… BUT….cut the crusts off (you don’t have to but its kinda nice… and a little bit… rahhh dahling yah rahh) and toast it.
Butter. Again…cheap or not. Up to you but spread it on the toast. Generously …. up to the corners of every slice.
Honey Dijon Mustard, spread ON TOP of the butter. The sweetness of this particular Mustard makes this even more yummy.
Cheddar cheese (sliced or grated), thickly laid on top of the slice (or slices) of bread (the depth of half a finger I think is really enough… unless you feel like scrubbing your grill/oven after).
A couple of tiny slices of tomato (not a WHOLE tomato…a couple of slices from the tomato…on top).
Black pepper …grind it on top (and if you like Tabasco… add a drop on top of that too).
Place under the grill until the cheese is melted, but not burnt… I reckon, put your timer on for about 2 minutes and keep checking the grill. You want golden, not burnt cheese/bread.
After, take the cheesy toast out of the oven, splash on some Worcestershire sauce (who can pronounce that properly?!) if you fancy.
Eat, enjoy with a hot cup of builders Tea (I love Earl Grey.. not builders tea clearly) but Yorkshire/PG Tips/English Breakfast (whatever?!)….bloody lovely AND a great start to your day.