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Tired, Insomnia, Valium….. HELP!! I NEED TO SLEEP

So for the last few months, I have found it hugely impossible to sleep (unless I consume a bottle of red wine accompanied by a lovely cheese platter…. usually at 1am).  I had to go to the Dr’s this week and ask for anything and everything to knock me out.  In Hong Kong, they can give you Stilnox (totally  illegal in the UK).  I asked for a 100 and was given 10….. along with details of a “Sleep Clinic” (what the fuck is that?!) …. and also a shrink. 

I’m now down to my last 2 sleeping pills (gutted) and still….. no fucking sleep. Plus, I swear I can hear the kids crying in their sleep and yet by the time I run into their room …. nothing greets me but silence (unless one of them has managed to work their way up the cotbed and wedged themselves at the top).   I have also had a recurring dream since they were born, that I have lost one or both children in the bed sheets and have literally woken the Captain on numerous occasions …. searching for them in our bed (or on the floor when I think they have fallen out of the bed).   I have to stress that the Twins have never ever slept with us.   Has anyone else experienced this madness??   Can it be cured with a shit load of booze and a Valium?!   I actually woke up  the Captain last night trying to “wind” him (he said it was nearly 4am and the poor bastard had to get up for work in a couple of hours).

Now, as all Mums of small babies and toddlers know…. YOU’RE TIRED.   ALL THE TIME!!

I mean, even when I’m asleep, I’m never really asleep as I have to be alert in case one baby wakes, or the other, usually my daughter, will headbutt her cotbed sooo loudly that I have to run into their nursery and check she’s not actually hurt herself.   She’s still fast asleep, of course, and I’m stood there, at 3am, wearing an unsightly Winnie the Poo nightdress from my maternity days (The Captain fucking hates this top but its soooo comfy), and wearing my head torch (Chilean Miner stylie), thinking, I AM NEVER GOING TO SLEEP PROPERLY AGAIN.  EVER.  Well, not until they’re about 80 years old and I’m dead and buried ….. at least I’ll get to sleep then eh (every cloud has a silver lining).

Right, its 2.30am HK time, I’m absolutely exhausted and my Valium is kicking in nicely.   Lets see what tomorrow holds.  

I have a ladies luncheon (oh Dahling yah) which I find sooo unbelievably difficult as I can’t do small talk with strangers (I’m officially shit at it) and I get bored soo easily.  I usually arrive with an excuse to leave early judging on what people are wearing (FYI my style is a cross between Rock Chick/Can’t be arsed/Tart…. it all depends on how much sleep I got the night before).  

If there are more geeks than not, I’m leaving as I know (a) no one will order wine because its midday, which apparently means it’s too early.  How pathetic is that?!   I mean it’s a LUNCH!?  Whats a lunch without alcohol?  We don’t have the kids with us so whats everyone’s excuse?  Plus, if you’re the ONLY one to order wine, you know everyone’s going to be calling you a lush behind your back the minute you pop off to the ladies to do a cheeky line of coke (joke) (b) there’s no wine (c) I hate meeting strangers who keep looking over your shoulder to get involved in another conversation in case they are missing out.   AND they’re the ones who are sooo fucking boring you would never normally speak to them anyway but because you didnt arrive early, and theres usually no seating plan, you get stuck with some random bird who you have absolutely nothing in common with.  And she’s looking at you like you’re beneath her (because I’ve ordered a white wine with a Tequila chaser…. judgemental cow).

I’ll let you know how the lunch is.   If I actually decide to go.