Dating after “Divorce” (AKA.”HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!?”)

This is a very brief piece, for the time being….as writing about “dating” is something, I’m really not keen, nor, ready to do.

HOWEVER….one very quick query for those divorced/separated/newly single families out there….

Something, I’m finding very…..bleughhhhh…..”empty”, but, perhaps, glaringly obvious to those who’ve been on the singles scene for a while.

This whole dating “new people”. Lets be honest, they could be “Aliens” right now, for me.

For those of you “dating” again for the first time, after say,  5-15 years with one person, will possibly not find this an easy task. I’ve only known one man for 12 years. TWELVE WHOLE YEARS!! Mentally, emotionally….physically.

I have found myself in a couple of situations, on a date, with people, who were TOTALLY, never even considered worthwhile (I’m not being an arrogant dick here, I’m just stating the truth) in my original spectrum, 13 years ago….. What is happening?

When you arrive on a first “date” (or in my head….”emotional challenge”)…and see some knobmunch sat at a table sipping Camomile Tea (one shocking, “how did I get this SOOO wrong” moment)…..My thought was, “I HIRED A FUCKING NANNY FOR THIS MAUVE, “Fruit of the Loom” T-SHIRT WEARING, NIKE TRAINERS (Bill Gates stylie), BARELY BRUSHED HIS 3 STRANDS OF COMBED OVER HAIR, MAN?!!”   This “MAN” then insists I buy my OWN drink!?? MY OWN DRINK?!  Sorry….I must disgust those New Age, independent people by stating this £10 fact…..BUT….”HEH?!”  When did this happen?!?

This bloke, a single bellend (OK….I’m being polite. I mean, COCK), who was actually bloody rude, asking me what I got “financially” in my divorce settlement (WTF!?!), clearly cant dress (or does so, in the dark), drives a “Prius as its cost effective”, has NO IDEA how to speak to people (forget a woman), how much it cost me to LEAVE MY HOUSE AND 3 CHILDREN, SAFELY AT HOME. All to go meet a complete waste of  1.5 hours. Actually, I’d exited within 48 minutes and stayed out, on my own, sipping a £15 cocktail….pondering on whether I was actually ready to “get back out there” again.

Sorry….for WHAT?!?!?! THIS?! THIS SHIT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. Ive clearly AGED. Something Men also like to point out….”youre no spring chicken” or “youre 40 this year, right?”


So….the only time this shitty date I attended, did happen, I BURST INTO LAUGHTER (I couldn’t help it as this dick was arrogant too), explained I wasn’t ready at meeting “men of that calibre” and perhaps I should give “women a go”.

I’ve always had a good radar for “crazy/bastard/weird/players/time-wasters/WASPS/Estate Agents etc”) but the minute I laid eyes on this “man”, rude and arrogant as he was…..I needed to leave ASAP. I WENT HOME AND WATCHED “X FACTOR” after buying myself a drink and observing the world around me, alone, and thinking….”Nope. Not ready. Nope!!”

As a divorced, single Mum, I feel very much like a Man approaching any (lets be honest)hideous, date.

I cant even be bothered to “carry” the bloody evening with my usual wit and kindness (no, I’m being serious here).  I’m actually a “carrier” ie. I cant cope with seeing people feel uncomfortable, so I overcompensate with chat/banter/laughter/alcohol….ANYTHING!!!.

AND I actually SAID this in my personal ad write up (yes, online dating…’re seriously going to judge after all the stuff I’ve shared?!)…. Men were emailing me saying not only was it the funniest write up they’d read, but also checking if I was “female”.

Errr…..”yes….I am a female.

The fact these men were soooooo bowled over by a shitty piece of slapstick/pisstake/innocent/slightly vulnerable-testing-the new-waters-fun, strikes you or any potential mate right off my list…. instantly.

Alas…..I AM NOW A MAN (Emotionally)…although the way my luck is running, I’m amazed I’ve not woken with a penis. I DONT GIVE A CRAP when interacting with anyone from the opposite sex. I’m rude, obnoxious, do what I want, say what I want…. I’m feeling zilch. Bubkus. These men, have zero personality, charm, ability, humour….gumption. JEEEEZ….I could go on…and on….and on.

This now leads me to a thought…. something I find very hard to comprehend, but its obvious….

Is it ….. that I’ve now (finally) grown up?


Was it that I was loved sooo well, I now don’t know any different? I’m now a spoilt woman expecting nothing less than friggin respect (damnit!!) no matter what.

Either way…for those single ladies on the “look-out” in London for single men. STOP LOOKING. Either join Ashley Madison (oooohhhh….don’t judge….I’m being funny)….or simply, I don’t know…..Stop the search.  I am not moving on, nor am I staying in the past. But one thing I do know…..FINALLY.

The last 12 years with the Captain, were not in vain…..Id rather have experienced that, than 12 years of this madness…emptiness. It was a great benchmark. A great understanding and lesson in what I WONT accept. ie. Unless theyre genuinely worth my time, I’m happy to bolt, feel zero guilt, and accept, that only in time, will karma/life, eventually lead me back to a man, who will be the right fit. When that will happen?  I must stop thinking about. And I accept that. It could be next week, or 20 years time. But I wont waste another minute on trying to stroke my own ego and entertain someone, I never did then, nor should I now. Divorced single Mums are not desperate…..theyre more in tune, more experienced and more capable, having been there n’ done that the first/second/third time around 🙂

In the meantime….my 3 kids will always fulfil all aspects of my entire life (“until the day you die”….my Mums words, not mine).

I’m just sharing something that’s hit me like a sledge hammer.

Men can replace a women very VERY easily (not personalities though…. funny women can NEVER be replaced…and we’re always remembered) but we ARE physically replaceable…. I stress “physically“.  NOT mentally. NEVER mentally. Men recall emotion and banter as much as the physical stuff.  They’re just very predictable on the physical side.

Women, or maybe, just me (the bellend), I’m yawning before Ive even heard a “Hello” from a potential nightmare date. I already know, they wont even touch my emotional/personal, aura right now. NONE of my (1.2 dates…..) who I’d heavily screened pre date, had any ability to fulfil what I now feel I need…Normality, banter, kindness, attraction, intelligence, arrogance (only a teeeeny amount but enough to make me giggle)…..a real Personality. Nope.  Nothing. So I’ve retired. It took 27 years to find The Captain…..I think it’ll take approx. 5 years to fill those boots.  When we were happy, life was amazing. I need that hole filled properly and responsibly.  My children come first.  If they hate anyone….(not that they’ve met ANYONE)….well, I’ll go by them and their judgement.

Enjoy the kids being back at school readers!! I’m a Parent “Volunteer” at their Halloween disco this week…..their football Coach is SUPER attractive….and I reckon LOVES ME….?!  Unfortunately….I don’t care right now….still numb from the divorce.

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About Sharzad Michaels

A food loving, punk (and chef) wannabe, divorced, single parent champion of 3 young children. An ex(ex) pat, ex-wife & ex lawyer. SW15 Londoner, born and raised.

5 responses to “Dating after “Divorce” (AKA.”HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!?”)”

  1. fruitlessbloom says :

    And here we go again….another wanker, pretending to have the balls of an “Internet Troll”…

    If you are soo vehement about the comments you feel are justified…at LEAST have the courage to say who you are. To be fair, your details have been located via a random IP address (VPN/DNS/SOCKS Proxy/Hola/hiding behind a proxy/onion routing through a bundled browser/utilise Flash/Java Applet/Javascript/Privoxy/ActiveX/Tor/using a NAT’ed VM)….unmasking you (and who you are) isn’t that difficult (traceroot). Shame. I was disappointed at the end result. Had a feeling I knew you…

    So….just to start a response to a complete and utter TWAT. I’m openly publishing your insolent, pedantic words….just for the hell of it. Hypocritical, wankers always make me chuckle. I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE AS BITTER AS YOU CAN’T HELP BUT BITE. Thoughtless, self-important morons (obviously like yourself), who LOVE to spew stupid, random, bullshit, in an arena which demonstrates your lack of awareness in real, everyday, facts (not that you give a shit)…

    You took the TIME to write to little “pathetic” me. That word alone (“Pathetic” you ignorant dick), demonstrated not only, what an extremely unpleasant,(odiously disgusting) arsehole you are, but that you can only air your indifferent bullshit, hidden behind an IP address, without giving your NAME.

    Something that appears you’ve also taken the time to HIDE behind. Otherwise, fuck off…seriously.

    ARE YOU GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ME, simply to share your disdain at my few comments about single dating, after divorce? Pathetic. Karma has a lot of time for ignorant, hypocritical wankers like you. Just watch how your house of cards will crumble in time. I guarantee it.

    Your life is clearly empty. Or maybe, you felt you had to share your thoughts with me? The person you feel soo “sorry” for.

    If you didnt care, why bother to contact me?

    Do you even understand (at any level, you ignorant twat), your ironic attempt to put me down? It illustrates your need to get in touch with me, in order to ….errr…what exactly!??

    You’re soo important and have a clear grasp on life? But people whoo ACTUALLY DO, DONT WRITE THIS TROLL-LIKE SHIT ONLINE. I am writing as a blogger. Your response is NOT normal.

    So… why?

    Why bother me, with such a cold, mundane, pointless comment?

    Your words didn’t strike any cord. yes, I have a pulse and emotion. But you are clearly….hmmm…bored? Fucked up?

    Dont really care.

    The only obvious thing, any psychologist will point out, is that YOU GOT IN TOUCH WITH ME. Did you share anything worth sharing? Nope. Youre getting airtime….so clearly a bit of a narcissist. ie. You’re a wannabe…OR….a windup. Not bothered either way to be fair. You wanted to reach out to ME 🙂 I’m flattered, albeit…. I FEEL SOOO SORRY FOR YOU.

    I do have to state….as I have to write as you did…that you are clearly a self opinionated, totally belligerent, obnoxious, unknowing (but assumes a know-it-all), coward…that you, YOU, reached out to ME. You wanted a response….bless.

    I am taking my life by the balls, as a single mother of 3 young kids (under the age of 6 years old, you c@£t), with a recent diagnosis of a (manageable) illness and ….I’m still living.

    I actually feel FREE. FREEEEE!!!

    I used to be the kind of girl who hated confrontation. Now….”people” like you (I use that term loosely, because you’re all annoying, spikey bastards), with a bitter core (deep in your soul that everyone around you knows is there), do not bother or irk me in the slightest. I’m loving the banter. Keep your crap coming! I pity your sort. Good people don’t spew your shit. Its a fact. You are bad/broken/missing something.

    People like you?? Damn……keep it coming!!! GO ON!!!! I LOVE HEARING cold, mean, disgusting, unknowing comments. Judge away.

    You have many a skeleton in your closet. If you don’t, you need to air your mean streak. But if you feel…that by attacking me, it lifts your own personal issues? OK…so be it. I’m honest about my life and my feelings. You were not FORCED to read anything on this site….yet you took the time to do so…then attacked me for my words 🙂 I feel complimented. Are you this friendly at dinner parties? DO people even invite you? I bet no one wants to sit next to you, OR, youre the charming one, who keep live bodies roped up in your bedroom…either way….shame on you.

    I have numerous friends (for over 30 years…I bet you don’t, bellend) and family and amazing kids and I’m living my NEW life, my way.

    No one told you, or forced you, to read what I’ve written. NO ONE.

    SO WHY WRITE TO “PATHETIC” ME? Errr….”pathetic” you for taking the time…surely?

    Funny….only an INTELLIGENT PERSON would have noted the paradox. You didn’t see the irony…no? Of course not. You are the type that’s never wrong.

    I’ve read numerous things on the internet over the years, but NEVER felt compelled to respond to anyone simply to knock people down for their own thoughts or feelings. Why? Because we are all different. Its called being “HUMAN”.

    YOU CARED ENOUGH to fucking write to me, directly, you idiot.

    You attempted to remain hidden (or so you think…even with VPN…your address and details are located). You are a coward…yet claim you “feel so sorry” for me? Thanks. But please, don’t bother. I’m actually, one of the few adults in my age range, with courage (OK, it was forced upon me) to live my life with a new Chapter, 3 young kids, alone and totally ready.

    You are a judgemental moron, who has no idea, that just when life is feeling complete, the rug WILL be pulled out from under your feet. Why? Because you deserve it. You just changed your karma.

    Good luck. You obnoxious, self righteous, empty vessel of a human being. What an Idiot.

    • fruitlessbloom says :

      You are one of a few types a) conceited (probably your 4th name) b) a privately educated imbecile who feels their opinion is actually important c) a smart comprehensive school “tree hugger”, that wants to educate me on “life” because I’m spoilt and missing out on something moral (probably from my “poncy” childhood) …either way my answer to all the above is this…I’ve always been someone who couldn’t be moulded.

      I don’t like judgemental people. I HATE judgemental people. Who can breathe with that rubbish in the air? Judgment. If everyone judged, we would never progress in life. How closed off are you?! Judgmental beings like yourself… Well…they feel, or think, their approach is correct. People like you, of your “ilk”, don’t see it is a cheap attempt at being….well….an attempt, to be “superior”. We should all “bow” down to your words.

      It shows how inferior you actually are. Your comment actually screamed…”Weakness”.

      IF you stand by your comments….then go on….reveal your name to all!!!? I already know it. Hugely disappointed….but you’re soo conceited that probably isn’t remotely relevant. Youre probably grinning while reading this. That’s how MUCH of a self-glorified simpleton you are (look it up…dick).Shame on you.

  2. natasham says :

    Hahahahaha I had the exact same thoughts when I started dating. I really don’t know what’s happened to men these days…its like women have become so accessible and now they’re having too much fun and don’t have any heart (even when they’re 37/38) and they don’t know what they want?! It’s a minefield out there….I’ve given up!

    • fruitlessbloom says :

      Ah Mamma duck….Don’t give up! You just need to sift through all the rubbish and just when you’re finally turning your back on the dating game…..someone may just pop up who is the perfect fit. It just happened to me this week….whether it goes anywhere, or nowhere at all….just having that hint of butterflies is enough for me. I’m starting to come back to life! Xx