If I haven’t banged on about one of my biggest pet hates before, I’m about to rant on about it now. I HATE lateness. It drives me fucking insane when people don’t show up when they’re supposed to, or say they’re going to be 5 minutes and I’m still sat there, staring at my pedicured toes, getting more and more fucked off, 30 minutes later.
If I say I am going to be somewhere at 1pm, I arrive at that time. How hard can it be to use your watch & organise your day?!?! So today, I was meant to pop in and see a friend for a quick cuppa tea and catch up. What did I do, errr… I arrived exactly on time and was greeted at the door by….. her maid …. and 4 kids…oh and a very rampant horny dog that kept licking my leg and throwing himself on his back to be tickled (yeh I did tickle him btw just to stop the damn thing humping me). Her kids were all over me showing me their artwork (zzzz) and talking about school (yuk) and I’m thinking… “Yes, I have kids but it doesn’t mean I have to be nice and play with you….”
Where was this so-called friend? Not home that’s for sure and yet there I was, with 3 kids of my own (waiting for me at home, not in the car obi child services) and she’s no where in sight. After making a quick exit, I jumped into my car and drove off. She showed up 15 minutes later but by then, I couldn’t be arsed to hang around.
Why should I have to always wait for other people just because they’re the ones always late?! I then called The Captain (a well-known Tardiness expert and lover of all things last-minute), and told him…. “What one thing in the whole wide world, do I hate more than you farting in bed, or grabbing my tits while I’m applying make-up?” His response… “You hate being late for anything? people being late for you?”. This is true. If I think I’m going to be even 5 minutes late, I’m on the phone to tell whoever I’m meeting that I’m sooooo sorry and will be there at exactly 1.05pm. Yes, it sounds crazy for someone like me but this is my one thing that I have always been anal about. I can’t be late for anything but that also shows a sign of respect for the people you are meeting. So…, again, when I show up at your door and you haven’t even got yourself home in time, don’t make me out to be the bad guy for leaving. You’re the one who was fucking late!!!
Next week…. a debate about manners while drinking in a bar/pub.