Searching… for a new Domestic Helper

As the shit hits the bucket, it turns out, I need not ONE but TWO people to help me run my household.  Did I insist on this bullshit? Of course not. I’m not some arsehole that tells their husband “I NEED HELP RUNNING THIS SHIT HOLE SHIP”.   I like my privacy and anyone who can name and shame me to the Child services Dept in Hong Kong would be long gone.  I actually like being alone (plus you can drink without judgement).  My best friend recently stated (& I love this statement) ” I don’t drink ON my own, only ALONE”. Genius.

Sooo… I’ve been interviewing people and guess what?!  We have had some right characters walk into our house (surprise eh?).  One Helper who intervied told our current (& lovely Helper) “Your Maaam asks ALOT of questions”.  For the record, I asked her why she was leaving her job & where she had last worked.  This was the same person who turned up at ours looking like, well I’m gonna say it “a Lesbian” and then told ME how to cook the kids food (my toddlers are on Annabel Karmels food…although I’ve had it on good authority that she’s actually a bit of a knob), the kids, didn’t eat a shred of her food and then she picked up a clove and asked me (I’m, FYI, the daughter of a Chef) “What is this?”  When I told her it was a Clove, she looked angry and kept cooking.

Once I left the Kitchen and asked our present (and lovely) Helper to speak to her (to see if they get on), this bird turns around and says “Your Maam asks a lot of questions” (ie. why are you leaving your job”). Stupid bitch.  We also have cameras in the lounge, kitchen & nursery.  Yes, I do and  why the fuck not?! Every single place I’ve worked in, there are cameras.  It’s no different.  If you are going to piss, shit or most importantly, beat my kids, this is the main area to do it.  Get over it luv.  She asked our Helper “Why the cameras? What did you do?” I don’t like the cameras”.  Why? Because shes a silly cow.

So… being lazy old me, I have spoken to about a dozen people who advertised themselves on Asiaexpat stating they can “cater for dinner parties”.  A big fat lie as it turns out once you speak to anyone who goes “oh yes, I can cook omelette”.  The bird who showed up at our appartment told me, she had “soooo many interviews” she didn’t now who to choose from, which is why she came to a household with twins and a newborn on the way (full of shit clearly).  The Captain lets me interview people as my past job as a Defendat Litigation Lawyer lets me weedle out the bullshit from the truth pretty quickly.  Plus, I rely on instinct, and who can make a good cuppa tea.

We have found one person who is wonderful BUT she presents new problems…. (a) she will make our current Helper look very bad (b) she will make me look like a lazy cow, and (c) she likes to run the show.  So although this woman is clearly a “super Helper” (her new nick-name when we talk about her), I can’t have this shit going on in my house.  Otherwise, I’m redundant & our current Helper’s flaws will be highlighted (shes terrible at everything but the kids). Today we interviewed her very lovely neice.  She’s nice, kind, polite, good with the kids and states she can cook & “follow recipes”.  Who knows but, I need a happy house.  Why?  I don’t want someone being the boss of me in our own place.

Plus, I’m at home.  A very new thing to me but something incredibly important as its obvious when I’m NOT here.  The kids play up, they start speaking Filippino and no one does what they’re told.  If my job (and I think its one of the most important…and underpaid)  is going to work, I need to be here.  Until the kids can feed themselves and wipes their own arses,.  The thought of being kept “indoors” for another 3 years is killing me though BUT, I was raised in a house where, I, in effect, raised myself.  Therefore, I HAVE to be here.  Drunk or sober. They’re lucky to have me!

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About Sharzad Hime-Michaels

A (40++) Punk “wannabe”. SW15 London born/bred, Kind (‘ish), Strict (normal) “parent“ of 3 children under 18 (twins included). Divorced. A great cook. Shockingly argumentative after 9pm on a Monday evening...

4 responses to “Searching… for a new Domestic Helper”

  1. Jacq says :

    Are you still looking for a helper? I know
    A lovely girl currently places in appalling family- she exists on 4 hours sleep EVERY day – very little food etc etc
    Please let me know if we can help her
    Cheers jacq

  2. Anonymous says :

    love reading your blogs! btw, would you be able to recommend a good camera for home?

    • fruitlessbloom says :

      Thank you! We bought the ATZ digital cameras which are easy to use & can be placed anywhere (one actually sits on the kitchen counter!). You can check whats happening at home while you’re out, by going online via your mobile phone, as a link will be set up specifically for your cameras. Its genius and scares the shit out of interviewing Domestic Helpers!! The Captain bought ours from some shop in Kowloon but they have them everywhere. Good luck!

  3. vimax says :

    Just wanted to say your Blog is in my rss you got a way with words.. Cheers,

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