Since falling pregnant with baby number 3, I have to admit, I’m not enjoying this pregnancy one bit. I feel totally unprepared, exhausted all the time due to twin toddlers who insist on climbing on anything dangerous, and my days of napping are long gone. I’m also sooo fucking bored, I don’t know what to do with myself. Yes, yes, I live in HK and have help with the kids blablabla but I don’t want mine growing up speaking Filipino which means I’ve gotta be with them every day too. Nor do I sit on my arse all day watching “E Hollywood” (unless they’re napping or if one of The Kardashians is getting married again).
I just cant get motivated to do anything at the moment and I think I have actually bored myself to near death. Ordinarily, I would be able to crack open a bottle (ok, a few bottles) of White wine and let the fun begin when I have a low day (or even a very good day). Now…. well… all I’m drinking is water, with ice because I’m friggin boiling the whole time. The Captain came to bed last night wearing a jumper (wimp). He complained the air-con was freezing and yet there I’m sat, in my mound of pillows that take up half the bed, wearing a t-shirt & hot-pants (sexy) and I’m still friggin boiling. Further, my hormones during this pregnancy are shocking. I have never, ever (even throughout puberty when I was a right bitch to my Mum), experienced tears and tantrums like I am now. I cry at ANYTHING. I heard an old Luther Vandross song yesterday that made me bawl like a baby. What the fuck is that all about?? I can’t go out in public when I’m like this. I’m like a ticking tear bomb waiting to explode the minute someone says anything that hits my newly discovered, overly raw, sensitivity button. I can actually start crying over ANYTHING. I guess now, I just sit back and wait for signs of madness to set in. I just wish I hadn’t smoked all that skunk back in University. I swear its creeping back up on me now … plus I can’t remember a damn thing unless I write it down.
I’ll give you an example of how much I over-react about a situation. Last week, after my zillionth appointment at the Dr’s to discuss our unborn baby and further tests about her chromosomes etc, the Captain and I leave to drive home. It was a Friday evening, bad rush-hour traffic in Hong Kong, it was raining and the Captain and I got into a mutha of a fight while I’m driving. I got sooooooo ANGRY, I wheel spun our 7 seater Volvo (aka. “the expat XC90”) into a Bus lane. While screaming, crying and ranting at my husband, I pulled the hand-break up, grabbed my bag and proceeded to walk the rest of the way home, in the rain minus an umbrella, while wearing high heels that hurt like a muther-fucker. All the people standing at the bus stop were a mix of Chinese, Western and Filipinos. I’m sure I gave them a good show (as well as the finger), screaming every obscenity at my husband while crying and of course, they’re all looking at my pregnant belly thinking “Flipping heck. That birds lost it!” The Captain then proceeded to drive up and down the road 3 times begging me to get back into the car (in HK you can’t cross or do a U turn over double white lines, which meant him driving up to a roundabout and turning himself around to come back down the other side of the road). Everytime he got near me, my response was “FUCK OFF YOU C&%T!”
Once I cooled off, I continued my walk home (it took about 15 minutes & 5 juicy blisters) and put the kids to bed (who must have been wondering why my hair had grown into such a huge afro, from when I left the house a few hours earlier). My point is…. this hormone thing is totally out of hand and yet I cant quite get a grip on it. I’m also still feeling hugely argumentative about, well, anything. If you see me at a petrol station or shopping mall, I suggest you sprint the other way. This is the grumpiest I’ve ever been and even thats pissing me off!! I used to be a smiling, laughing, bundle of witty fun. Now… I bake and go to bed at a reasonable hour. What a fucking geek.
Anyhow… enough of me moaning, I have baking to do, followed by some arts & crafts crap for Halloween. Joy. Someone shoot me now.
* Photo above taken In Turks & Caicos… in the days when all was well and good (& before the recession).