Holiday… still in Bali

Ok… so…

So far, the holiday has gone a little better than expected, (a) Mum-in-law thinks we are actually mum n daughter which makes life loads easier and to be fair… I’m fucking easy peasy to get on with (b) I keep getting Mum-in-law drunk…. something I forgot I kept doing when we were back in London.

It turns out… I’m a friggin genius at turning people into drinkers…. even for the night.  I’m like the cheeky female Devil on your shoulder that says “Go on, just one more…bottle!”  Works like a Gem every time!

Plus, I hate drinking alone and I LOVE banter with women.  We have soo much fun when blokes/men leave us alone to have a giggle.   This is a FACT and a reason why, up until I turned 30 yrs old (yes, 30.. a couple or so years ago…), I never had boys, save for my best male friends who are pretty much gay anyway, even if they are in denial and chasing tits ‘n arse everywhere, at any birthdays.  I recall one friend of mine saying she never, ever laughs, like she does with the girls.

Its true.  My Best friend made me laugh soooo much once.  We were 14 years old and had just been to some dingy, feet sticking to the carpet, basement, back street “Disco” in Ealing, South London.  We ended up in a random flat (d0nt ask) but she made me laugh sooooooo much, I wet myself.  We woke the following morning with my stupidly long socks (they covered my Fk-me-boots) drying on a radiator of some half-way house for ex-convicts (I lie not!!!).  This made me laugh again.  I was greeted at 6am by a big black guy called “Jim” in the loo, smoking a massive spliff.  I was soo unsure whether to run or stop for a chat (he seemed interesting and actually quite funny…. probably trying to decided whethere to kill me or not).  I ask her (my best gal that is), even to this day, what the hell were we doing there?!!?  She and I have a place, where stories can only be told where the participants are present are the only ones who know what happened.  We laugh so much, even now.  I love that.

Ok… thats me for now.  Will I be this kind of cool/chilled/go out & shag ’em parent?  When Itchy (my daughter) comes home from “Space” in Ibiza and says she got so pissed /fuckedshe woke up in a Monastary surrounded by wanking locals who are meditating while smoking giant spliffs full of mind spanking skunk (I love it, sorry but I do) … what do I do?!

I’ll tell you exactly what I would do (aside from confiscate the drugs for my own personal enjoyment… yes, I’m gonna be a kill-joy Mum too. Shoot me but I dont give a shit).  Firstly, find this place and secondly, go live there forvever.  Thats when The Captain takes over as our staff will have long gone by then (unless I have another 2 which I keep threating at the moment…. I think I’ve got mild amnesia from the 2 epi’s the Dr’s administered when I gave birth!)

Hope you are all well out there girls!

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About Sharzad Hime-Michaels

A (40++) Punk “wannabe”. SW15 London born/bred, Kind (‘ish), Strict (normal) “parent“ of 3 children under 18 (twins included). Divorced. A great cook. Shockingly argumentative after 9pm on a Monday evening...

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