Marriage in Hong Kong for ex-pats. Can it really work?
Having just about managed to find my feet in Hong Kong, I have begun to wonder about all the expat wives/partners who moved here. Did they find it easy or difficult? Were they angry, pissed off, stressed with the move …. especially if you had to move your entire life and children too, while your partner was probably over here already (possibly months before), and you packed up your entire home, alone.
Since our arrival, I have been incredibly honest about the difficulties I faced in moving abroad and leaving our great life in the UK. At the moment, my only plus with Hong Kong, is still just the warm weather. For the Captain, who loves it here, its more the Tax relief, lifestyle, great weather, Trecking in the mountain and outdoor stuff.
I have heard and read various horror stories (Nancy Kissel being just one), where lots of expat marriages seem to be doomed from the moment they touched Hong Kong soil. Loads of people I know are in Marriage Counselling too. Why?
Well it’s not unheard of, or uncommon (from what I’ve read on geoexpat and asiaexpat), how the Men have places to go and “party” in Wan Chai, but besides that, there is Macau and all types of escort services everywhere. But it’s not just the men from what I’ve heard. The girls are out there having their fun, too. I just read on asiaexpat, and I quote “One of the boys banged his client’s wife after the client went home early from a night out drinking. And they did it several more times afterwards, with the wife initiating it each time!” I mean, FUCK?! What is wrong with these people?
Everyone seems to be looking for a cheeky shag. According to Asiaexpat there are loads of men exchanging tales of sex behind their unknowing wives backs (the predictable, ungrateful, mother-of-their-kids, wankers) and those wedding vows simply mean nothing here in Asia. Clearly.
I also want to quote another bloke on asiaexpat who states; “The fact we are westerners gives us status, as usually poor western guys never make it here, so the ones who are here are the ones educated and with money, at least that is the asian vision of us. On top of that, traditional asian mentality places little importance in physical beauty, and anything different is attractive, so both western guys and asian girls are attracted to each other even if the guy is a potato. Before I came to Asia I was in a rock solid totally committed never cheated 5+ years relationship with promise rings, almost the whole nine yards. This lasted 7 months after my arrival. Any major city in Asia is heaven for expats and no mistake.”
So…. what he’s saying is, your Man is going to head out there and shag someone else as the temptation is sooo high and apparently, even if he is limp, missing a ballsack and looks like Rodney Trotter, this dick will still get laid by someone, with or without their beer goggles on. In my eyes, to inflate their already bulging egos, and if “The Missus” (or “Her in-doors”) isn’t putting out, someone else might as well do it. Especially if they’re out drinking in vile, Faliraki Style, Wyndham street , Soho or LKF on any night of the week.
Yes, there is a culture in Hong Kong for expats to play around but I never realised it was too easy for guys to do this. In fact it really pisses me off! I have a Moral compass and I have never faltered from who I am, and what values I do believe in. Shagging, snogging, petting, lap dancing on my Man, are all BIG no no’s.
According to my research, all this shagging around is not done openly, but in a under-hand kind of way (from what I’ve read, some blokes have a shared sex pad just for their conquests in Soho or wherever).
This other bloke on asiaexpat also said; “I don’t know any guy that I am close with that is an expat that does not fool around. Of course, there are different levels of playing. There are ones that strictly visit the pros for a wham-bam-thank-you-maam, there are ones that like to pick up other expats at the clubs, there are ones that like the locals, married or not, and there are ones that have actual girlfriends that may or may not know they are married.”
Why the fuck would you put up with this bullshit?? What?! So because we moved to a different country, our Men have all gone mad and started humping anything that moves, because they’re sooo fucking arrogant, they think they can. And the ones who go to the “Pros/Strippers/lap clubs”… well they are the worst type of scum, as in their minds, it’s not even cheating if you’re paying a hooker. Really?? Would you do that sort of shit IN FRONT of your wife you DICK!?
I can say this now, with my hand on my heart, if I ever EVER found out that The Captain had been cheating on me during “business trips, late nights at the office, clients dinners, having a drink with the boys, or even before I showed up in Hong Kong”. I will end his entire world, by leaving. Its simple. Oh… and as an added Fuck You, I’d have a revenge shag with someone he knows, just to show him how much it can hurt.
It seems a woman needs a reason to cheat, a man, well he just needs a place.
I have to sign off now and go check my Hubby is sweetly tucked up in bed. He’s definitely not the type of Man listed above. I wouldn’t have married him if he was (plus I have him tagged just under his butt cheek so I know where he is at all times).
One thing I will say, having read up on this for the last few hours (and there are hundreds of threads about this on asiaexpat). Hong Kong is certainly somewhere to test your marriage and push it to the limit. I will hold my wine filled cup to that, BUT, pull your shit together and remember who you were before you arrived on this Island of Madness. This doesn’t feel like the real world for me yet (yes, I’m still homesick and will be heading back to London sometime over the summer ….. cant fkin wait), but it’s not bloody Vegas either. For every dumb asshole who thinks he can sleep around behind his Partners back, there’s also a woman who knows about it, and she will be doing the same right back atcha! Your wife, girlfriend, partner, will always know when something is up.
ps. I think I want to go home before my Husband catches this unknown “must-have-sexitis” illness.
pps. Captain, if you’re reading this, I have 3 big brothers, a shovel and have learnt my way around the woods of Hong Kong quite well 😉
* Photo of Repulse Bay Beach … my local.