Baby showers… & Nights out on the town in Hong Kong

Why do they call it a baby shower?   Apparently it’s because you get “showered with necessity gifts”. I think it’s because when it rains, it pours… You have NO idea what lies ahead and 3 or 4 months of sleepless nights, 2/3 hourly feeding and basically … if you’re lucky to brush your teeth, hair, or trim your pubes… you’re already ahead of the game.

Maybe it’s because I’m a cynical Mum of twins… no sleep… no perspective.  I recently attended a lovely, thoughtful baby shower (I’ve asked if the gorgeous gal in charge, who has lived in Hong Kong for over 15+ years, would do any other parties…she thought I was joking).  I have to say it was brilliant. I met some absolutely hilarious, witty, sharp minded ladies and my face is aching from laughter.  The lovely lady who threw this function for us all… if you are reading this, is, in my eyes, a dream Mum/friend/and I’m guessing wife.

We had an endless supply of champagne (already an A star in my books), food, and cakes.  The company though, I found hard to begin with.  Not because they were difficult but I’ve said this before… I’m absolute shit at small talk (which is a complete nightmare when meeting new people and my Husband always needs the loo the minute we go anywhere).

So, I’m talking to someone I’ve never met before, and they are looking over my shoulder to see who else is more interesting, when more people arrived.   I have to say that along with (a) Not saying please/thank you/Excuse me/& was that you that just farted? (b) Looking over someones shoulder and not engaging them in conversation, just in case someone more interesting arrives, pisses me off.   It makes me very annoyed and then when that person  is stood all alone at the end of the day (as everyone else has noted they are rude too), I’m not going over to say “Hi” or recover that conversation.  They were too rude to begin with!  Engage in your conversations people.  It’s not hard to be polite. Especially to a stranger!  I don’t like it and you are blacklisted from my life, forever.

Anyhow… I got pissed on a batch load of Rose Champagne and the lovely Hostess with the mostess, sent me home with food too.  I climbed out of a Taxi in Repulse Bay with balloons strapped to my wrist and our doorman….looking at me & thinking….”hmmm….where’s that number for Hong Kong child services?”

I’m not going to apologise for getting drunk at these functions (hey, it’s not like I’m taking my top off to flash my boobs or anything). I like to have fun!  All of us do.  Some people just like to judge more than others (it makes them feel superior… idiots) and that’s why we all act like weirdos when we first meet.  We’re trying to suss out who’s fun and who’s going to judge later.

Why why why can’t we go out, have a ball, get drunk…without judgement?  And, its only women who are like this. Men (I have 3 brothers) are not this judgemental…probably because they have more to hide (especially the ones who give you that smirk when they say “oh we went on a boys trip to Vegas”.. oh fucking grow up)… or don’t really give a crap.

Please tell me??!  I have never ever met a person, in my entire life (& FYI, I’ve met EVERYONE who is slightly odd), who hasn’t done/said/partied/drunk/snorted/slept/something …. Teenagers, Parents, age, background…. it’s all irrelevant but please… stop being soo fucking patronising.

I went out on the town a few nights later with a huge group of girls.  Some got absolutely hammered on wine/vodka (you pick your poison), some didn’t.  The ones who didn’t ended up putting others in Taxi’s and giving that “knowing” look like… “tut tut… she’s soo drunk” – FYI… it wasn’t me!  You (yes you who is reading this now…not the “literal” you) were carried home once I’m sure by a friend/someone, puked somewhere from booze or g-d knows what (if you haven’t… then you’re square and get off this site immediately as I can’t deal with anything critical unless its funny).

We have ALL done something and, we are the ones who set the bar on right, or wrong.  I’m NOT going to apologise for going out, getting drunk and having a great time.  If I make YOU feel uncomfortable, then remove yourself from ME.   BUT, don’t ever, patronise me and act like you are doing ME the favour by taking me home, or giving me some “advice” on life.  I’ve survived 4 operations in 2 years alone, cancer (not me but someone so dear it may as well have been Me.. my heart.. My Mum), strokes, IVF (3 injections every day for NINETY days), redundancy and every other piece of crap that has been thrown at me.

Take your smirks, judgements and everything else somewhere else.  You don’t drink, you don’t party, you don’t get angry, you don’t EVER lose it? You must be a Saint then.

I’m all done here.  I’ve lived a good few years and survived without help.   I love to live now and that’s what I’m ALL about.  You don’t like it.  Fuck off.  I wake every day in my world (nobody else but you experiences your life so don’t listen to anyone but you) and I’m going to live by my rules.  I’m so done with everyone elses.  To be fair, I think we all are.

ps. I think I need more sleep.

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About Fruitlessbloom

Rock n Roll meets Martha Stewart (pre prison) ...on Red Bull

2 responses to “Baby showers… & Nights out on the town in Hong Kong”

  1. Parental Parody says :

    Just love you. I worked at a company where my colleagues – all male and blokey types – had a running joke about how long it’d take me to bugger off the glass and just drink straight from the wine bottle at the annual Christmas Party. Finally, one year, I thought…fuck it. So I went out in style. The function was at an Underwater World…with multiple function rooms. At some point (buggered if I know when), I grabbed the microphone and walked the party interviewing people. Then I seamlessly moved into the next function room and continued on there at a totally different function. Until they took the microphone away. Upon leaving, I mounted the centre rail and slid down the staircase. More by fluke than genius skill. I then puked on myself in the taxi – apparently – I didn’t realise I had done this, but Hubby said I had because he nearly had a fist fight with the taxi driver over the fee for cleaning, since I’d been a good and thoughtful type and only puked on myself, not his taxi. Anyway…after all that….I never had trouble finding someone to talk to at work functions. People might not want to be the first, but they all want to hang with the one who’s having a blast. Who gives a rats ass what anyone else thinks. Tell them to get up 487 times a night to bloody twins.

    • fruitlessbloom says :

      I have to say, after reading your comment….. I laughed soo much, I wet myself (need to keep up on my Kegels, clearly). I showed the Hubby and he reminded me of a similar tale in which I shamed him (his words, not mine) at his best friends wedding. After downing shots of Vodka with all the boys at the bar (following a 2 hour Champagne reception… what were these people thinking??!), I stumbled into a hedge, lost a priceless bracelet my mother-in-law loaned me, told a guest they “were boring” (to their face) and then puked all over my lovely shoes on the Coach home (with loads of Adult grown-up types sat on every side of us). The Captain was so mortified (& I’m sure made a mental note never to take me out anywhere again) …. he had to pretend I was leaning down to adjust my shoes (or something) and kept coughing loudly to cover the noise. He then took me off the Coach at the first stop. I think we ended up somewhere in Brighton (approximately 1 hour from London) as I remember seeing the sea and thinking, “we don’t live here, do we?”.

      ps. It’s 1.20am here, and my daughter keeps crying out in her sleep. I go into the nursery and both kids are fast asleep. IM NEVER EVER GOING TO SLEEP NORMALLY AGAIN AM I?!

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