Archive | April 2011

Easy, amazing, quick, Cheese on Toast

Ok…so… I tried this amazing take on cheese on toast.

It’s easy, so even those of you who pretend you can’t cook….well…. this is just…yum.  Hangover or not, this is lovely.

If you’re a single girl/guy, and wake to offer your booty call some breakfast before your easy lay leaves… well this piss easy breakfast of posh cheese on toast will seal the deal (for another shag), should you so wish…although, lets face it… when the beer goggles are off…. you can’t BELIEVE what you took home the night before.  Sometimes, even a name is a little fuzzy – oh yes, the shame.  Like I give a shit.

Anyhow… YOU MUST TRY THIS…at LEAST once. Impress guests when they stay over (add some sausages, tomatoes, bacon, a few eggs, beans…bloody fab).


  • White bread (as many as you want to eat).  Cheap or expensive…it doesn’t really matter… BUT….cut the crusts off (you don’t have to but its kinda nice… and a little bit… rahhh dahling yah rahh) and toast it.

  • Butter. Again…cheap or not. Up to you but spread it on the toast. Generously …. up to the corners of every slice.

  • Honey Dijon Mustard, spread ON TOP of the butter.  The sweetness of this particular Mustard makes this even more yummy.

  • Cheddar cheese (sliced or grated), thickly laid on top of the slice (or slices) of bread (the depth of half a finger I think is really enough… unless you feel like scrubbing your grill/oven after).

  • A couple of tiny slices of tomato (not a WHOLE tomato…a couple of slices from the tomato…on top).

  • Black pepper …grind it on top (and if you like Tabasco… add a drop on top of that too).

  • Place under the grill until the cheese is melted, but not burnt… I reckon, put your timer on for about 2 minutes and keep checking the grill.  You want golden, not burnt cheese/bread.

  • After, take the cheesy toast out of the oven, splash on some Worcestershire sauce (who can pronounce that properly?!) if you fancy.

  • Eat, enjoy with a hot cup of builders Tea (I love Earl Grey.. not builders tea clearly) but Yorkshire/PG Tips/English Breakfast (whatever?!)….bloody lovely AND a great start to your day.

ps. If you love Sausages or eggs, add one or two on top…. its indulgent but…it’s breakfast.

pps. If you can’t cook this… well…. shame on you.  Even a blind dog with one leg and no ball sack can cook this.  You’re just being a bit…fucking lazy.

ppps. If you worry about calories. Use low-fat cheese, low-fat butter/spread and even that horrible diet bread (I’ve not seen it in Hong Kong).  You’ll work those calories off within 3 hours of waking  (if you have twins, or copious amounts of sex).  In hindsight… if you have twins, you’re probably (a) having no sex with your partner as you’re still mortified by what happened the last time, and (b) you’re too bloody tired and want to kill your Husband.


Creative Commons License

Banana Bread…with a touch of Vanilla Sugar


This recipe, is easy and makes a delicious Banana Bread.  When the bread is moist, which as you can see from the pictures, it is …. this wont last more than 2 days in any household and I love making it.

There is enough for approximately 10-12 slices and I keep it wrapped in foil as it gets more and more moist over time.  I wouldn’t keep it for longer than 1 week otherwise it starts growing hair and that’s when you have to chuck it.  And lets be honest…it would have been a crap batch of bread if it lasted that long in your kitchen!


270g soft brown sugar (I like muscovado.  Its brown, has a nice molasses taste and is lovely for baking.  I prefer it over regular brown sugar which seems to turn to a rock after a few days in my store cupboard.)

2 eggs

280g plain flour

3x medium bananas mashed

1 tablespoon Vanilla Sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

1 teaspoon of ground ginger

1 1/2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon

150g unsalted butter, melted (pop in the microwave for approx 40 seconds and then leave at room temperature).



Without sounding like a complete anal weirdo, I line up my ingredients in order of use… otherwise you forget.  ALSO, NEVER EVER drink while baking/cooking something nice…. you will forget vital ingredients (g-d forbid).

  1. Preheat the oven.  I used to think this was just some crap they threw into cook books but do it.  Its vital.

  2. Put the sugar & eggs in a huge bowl and mix with a handheld mixer (or if you’re lucky enough to have a freestanding electric one…. good for you. it works just as well).

  3. Beat sugar + eggs until they’re properly mixed.

  4. Mash your 3 bananas with a fork. Until it’s the kind of quantity you would give your 10 month old baby. Not too mashed and still a bit lumpy.

  5. Add your flour (sift through a handheld fine sieve to get rid of lumps), baking powder, cinnamon, bicarbonate of soda & ginger to the sugar mixture. Also add one teaspoon of Vanilla sugar. I sieve everything together through my handheld sieve thingy (mines from Ikea).

  6. Mix the whole flour mixture until all dry ingredients are properly mixed and then add the sugar/egg mix to it.

  7. Pour in the melted butter and beat everything with your handheld whisk (or if you’re a bit posh… your freestanding one).  Make sure everything is mixed properly.

  8. Pour the mix into a loaf tin (or those new rubber ones that I personally love and use for everything because they are fucking brilliant and easy peasey to get cakes out of…muffins etc).  **NB. The loaf tin/rubber tin needs to be greased with a bit of olive oil (i dab it onto some kitchen tissue and rub all over the tin) and sprinkle (through a sieve, NOT loosely) some flour all over the tin, on the sides and base.

  9. Once you have poured all the mix into your tin, smooth over with a knife or palette knife and bake in your oven for approx 50-60 minutes. I would check after 50 minutes to make sure you are not burning the loaf and if you think its cooked but are not 100% sure, put a cocktail stick through the middle. If it comes out clean (it’s a tiny stick so it wont mess up the look of the bread or anything), then you know its done.

  10. Take out of the oven, and once it’s slightly cool, turn it out onto a wire cooling rake (or in my case… I use one of the wire racks from my oven which is slightly raised so that the bread cools down all over, including underneath).

Its lovely … and your Husband/wife/Partner/kids/neighbours/clients… will want you to make this all the time.  When the Captain was out of work… I made these at Christmas, wrapped them in some lovely looking paper from John Lewis (back in London obviously) and gave it to people as a present.


I’m sorry to say .. this section has been limited and yet I cook a shit load.

As of next week… I will start adding some lovely things to try and enjoy.  They are all piss easy too (for those of you who pretend they can’t cook).