Archive | February 2011

IVF…. 2009

Having spent the last 2 years trying to conceive, I decied to set up a blog, more for my own sanity and self-preservation, as well as wanting to help others in the same predicament as us.  My poor friends, work colleagues, family and not to mention, my partner, have all been embrolied in this tireless fruitless journey of highs (IUI that I was convinced would work) and lows (when it didn’t).  This site will hopefully lay to rest any concerns, doubts or thoughts you may have.  Those moments alone when you convince yourself you are ok.  Or the days you just can’t understand why this is happening to you and your prayers dont seem to be answered (this is someone who only used to pray when they wanted good grades in their University exams!!)

When the Dr’s told us that my partner and I had “unexplained infertility”, then patted us on the backs and told us to keep trying for another 6 months, we had no idea what that phrase meant and how potentially devastating it could be to our lives.  You don’t quite grasp the level of stress this sort of thing puts on you as a person, or as a couple.  Not to mention to constant talking about it with your friends and family (poor them!).  The amount of times people must have cringed and had to bear listening to me talking about my cycle….I dread to think!

If you can’t laugh (as well as cry!) during the whole process (and it is a seriously emotional & physical one), then you’re not releasing your real emotions during the time you are trying to conceive.

Over the years, I have looked at and googled hundreds of sites for information on “unexplained infertility” and Polysistic  as this is where my condition apparently lay.  Some sites pointed me to self-help blogs, others were chat rooms for infertile women like myself, needing reassurance, guidance, explanations.

I also searched for the best Doctors to go to, the highest success rates of clinics, and self-medicated (which one Dr told me off for!) with Vitamins B6, cyclogest (from a friend), nutrition advice, what to eat, not eat, wear, dont wear, drink, dont drink.  The list is endless and yet none of the things I did, nor the time, energy and money spent, gave us the goal we were searching for.  To become parents.

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I had a call this evening from a very dear friend of mine. Someone I love to bits. Someone kind, funny, loyal and simply great. Shes due to give birth in the next month. Her bloke, who I HATE, has been involved in parts but is not giving her that support she needs.

You know the kind of guy right? Cold, hot, kind, mean, friendly, harsh, distant but wants a cuddle. usually great in bed but that is it.  Everything is on his terms. AND on top of it, hes abusive. Not physically, but verbally is just as bad as your confidence, your personality, the core of who you are, is stripped away bit by bit. You forget who you were before you met this dick. I’ve been out with a few. It all starts off very lovely, taking me out here and there, calling me his “Princess”, making me feel like Im the only woeman in the world, and then suddenly…boom. Reality. Hes threatened by your mates. Doesnt want you to go out with anyone if hes not there. Insists a night in just you two is better, Suddenly seeing your family is a burden (and hes rude to them too!! cheecky bastard).

What do you do? Its simple.

Walk away and cut that bastard off. Simple simple simple. All women deserve a good man and someone IS out there, who will be kind & look after you. This guy, the one you’re with who tells you you wont ever find “anyone” like him, is a loser. He will never change and why teach you children this horrible degrading pattern in life?  Ive been there. Its horrible. I felt like shit the whole time. I lived for those kind moments he threw my way.  Normally after a can of Stella. I will never ever go back to that life and I feel sorry for the woman who ended up with that.

Be strong my darling friend and cut this man lose. You can raise a child on your own if needs be (and you are never ever alone darling).


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My 2nd month in Hong Kong



Not good.

See my 1st month and multiply that by 100.

Am homesick.  

Looking at websites for Alcoholics Anonymous and found meetings in Stanley & Central. No one ever answers their phones though which I find very odd!! How am I supposed to attend a meeting when no ones there?!?!   Especially as they have “Bible Group” meetings in the same hall. SHIIIIT SHIT SHIT SH!

Also looking into possible marriage counseling due to my drinking (which is really not my fault when you think about it).

On a separate note, I’ve noticed there are a large number of French people here. LOADS. Its not a bad thing, but Ive never noticed so many Frenchies around before (i should really cut out the day time drinking if Im going to be aware of these things).  Ive actually started swearing in French too but apparently got the grammar wrong (or so my 10 month old daughter tells me….my son was too busy mixing Mummy cocktails to notice).

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Hello world! My First Month….



Ok, I’ve unpacked (again….I’ve moved home THREE times in the last 6 years).

I’ve got drunk.

I’ve cried.

I’ve got drunk. Yes, again & don’t you dare judge me on that one.

Ive screamed at my Husband (AKA “The Captain”) for moving us all here into the unknown.  Even though we had no job to go to in London….and yes, he pointed this out along with a few responsible things I need to bear in mind, but still.

Ive got drunk. Yes, again. I was bored.

The twins are now cooking & pureeing their own meals and reciting French Poetry (well my Daughter is anyhow, my Son is still eating his feet and licking windows).

I WANT TO GO HOME.  So… I call everyone I know in the UK, begging them to either move here, or crying that I miss them.

Not a good month.

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